Writing contest results

[grimm]

---------------------
> This year's winners of the Bulwer-Lytton writing contest. All who enjoy
> good literature should get a chuckle, after they cringe from the
> following.
>
>
> For you lovers of good writing, these are the 10 winners of this year's
> Bulwer-Lytton contest --AKA Dark and Stormy Night Contest--run by the
> English Dept. of San Jose State University, wherein one writes only the
> first line of a bad novel.
>
>
> (10) "As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were ever to break
> wind in the echo chamber, he would never hear the end of it."
>
>
> (9) "Just beyond the Narrows, the river widens."
>
>
> (8) "With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied, a tanned,
> unblemished oval face framed with lustrous thick brown hair, deep
> azure-blue eyes fringed with long black lashes, perfect teeth that vied
> for competition, and a small straight nose, Marilee had a beauty that
> defied description."
>
>
> (7) "Andre, a simple peasant, had only one thing on his mind as he crept
> along the East wall: 'Andre creep... Andre creep... Andre creep.'"
>
>
> (6) "Stanislaus Smedley, a man always on the cutting edge of narcissism,
> was about to give his body and soul to a back alley sex-change surgeon to
> become the woman he loved."
>
>
> (5) "Although Sarah had an abnormal fear of mice, it did not keep her
> from eeking out a living at a local pet store."
>
>
> (4) "Stanley looked quite bored and somewhat detached, but then penguins
> often do."
>
>
> (3) "Like an overripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage cheese, the
> corpulent remains of Santa Claus lay dead on the hotel floor."
>
>
> (2) "Mike Hardware was the kind of private eye who didn't know the
> meaning of the word 'fear'; a man who could laugh in the face of danger
> and spit in the eye of death -- in short, a moron with suicidal
> tendencies."
>
>
> AND THE WINNER IS.....
>
>
> (1) "The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside darkness, crept along
> the greensward, and, with sickly fingers, pushed through the castle
> window, revealing the pillaged princess, hand at throat, crown asunder,
> in frenzied horror at the sated, sodden amphibian lying beside her,
> disbelieving the magnitude of the frog's deception, screaming madly, 'You
> lied!"

[Nickatilynx]

> (4) "Stanley looked quite bored and somewhat detached, but then penguins often do."

ahahahahahahahahahahaha

[Newton]

(1) "The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside darkness, crept along
the greensward, and, with sickly fingers, pushed through the castle
window, revealing the pillaged princess, hand at throat, crown asunder,
in frenzied horror at the sated, sodden amphibian lying beside her,
disbelieving the magnitude of the frog's deception, screaming madly, 'You
lied!"

Wasn't she supposed to kiss it? lol

[ThrobX]

Originally posted by Newton@Jun 7 2005, 12:24 PM
(1) "The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside darkness, crept along
the greensward, and, with sickly fingers, pushed through the castle
window, revealing the pillaged princess, hand at throat, crown asunder,
in frenzied horror at the sated, sodden amphibian lying beside her,
disbelieving the magnitude of the frog's deception, screaming madly, 'You
lied!"

Wasn't she supposed to kiss it? lol

She did. Notice that he's still a frog, hence "his deception."

[Trev]

I would have went with the penguin one as well but I was beaten to it...

This one did make me smirk though:


> (2) "Mike Hardware was the kind of private eye who didn't know the
> meaning of the word 'fear'; a man who could laugh in the face of danger
> and spit in the eye of death -- in short, a moron with suicidal
> tendencies."

[Peaches]

Irony: When Grimm laughs at a writing contest by spelling "humorous" wrong. :P

[Dravyk]

Ah, Grimm! I've always enjoyed seeing the annual results of that contest! hehe

This is my fav though: "Like an overripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage cheese, the corpulent remains of Santa Claus lay dead on the hotel floor."

[grimm]

Originally posted by Peaches@Jun 7 2005, 03:20 PM
Irony: When Grimm laughs at a writing contest by spelling "humorous" wrong. :P

heh doh, everything ive ever written ive had someone check the copy spelling and grammar are not my strong suits

[Timon]

> (8) "With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied, a tanned,
> unblemished oval face framed with lustrous thick brown hair, deep
> azure-blue eyes fringed with long black lashes, perfect teeth that vied
> for competition, and a small straight nose, Marilee had a beauty that
> defied description."

This one made me laugh