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Old 10-14-2004   #1
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No point in going to bed tonight, because my woman has to be at the airport for 6 AM. She's headed to California until Tuesday for some big magazine shoot.

I have to be honest: I'm getting a sneaking suspicion that our sex life has been less than satisfying for her. She stopped giggling when I take off my underwear as of about two months ago, but now she's all into this role playing thing, where she ties me up and blindfolds me and leaves the room and opens the front door and pretends to let someone else in and goes into the next room and makes all these moaning noises for like 45 minutes and then makes noises like she's coming and then takes a shower and then comes to untie me and tell me how sexy I am.

When I give her that wounded look like "where's mine?" she tells me that I look unbelievably sexy when I masturbate, so I should get myself off. Then she reads a magazine while I jerk off. Of course, she gets really pissed if any of it gets on her sheets -- something about "trying to wash cumstains out of the 1800 thread count sheets" she demanded that I buy her for her birthday. Well sorry, you know, it doesn't always go where I want and maybe if she helped... but she just smiles and says I did a great job.

I was thinking about soliciting advice from some of the studs on Oprano, but I don't think "let me fuck her" is gonna fix anything.

Anyway, that's what's been going on with me as of late.
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Old 10-14-2004   #2
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Quote:
Originally posted by Buff@Oct 14 2004, 01:24 AM
she ties me up and blindfolds me and leaves the room and opens the front door and pretends to let someone else in and goes into the next room and makes all these moaning noises for like 45 minutes and then makes noises like she's coming and then takes a shower and then comes to untie me and tell me how sexy I am.
WTF?



anyway, the problem might be she's not getting paid to sleep with you.
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Old 10-14-2004   #3
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Quote:
Originally posted by Buff@Oct 13 2004, 11:24 PM
something about "trying to wash cumstains out of the 1800 thread count sheets" she demanded that I buy her for her birthday.
You have two options here..

1) Make sure you dont have the good sheets on the bed and, my preferred choice;
2) Wipe your cock on the curtains instead.

She will be so worried about having to dry-clean the curtains youll have time to shoot your load over the bedsheets.

You can thank me later for saving your marriage
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Old 10-14-2004   #4
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Quote:
Originally posted by pushpills+Oct 14 2004, 01:28 AM-->
QUOTE (pushpills @ Oct 14 2004, 01:28 AM)
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Old 10-14-2004   #5
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I guess some people can't take sarcasm. Don't cry on your nice sheets.
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Old 10-14-2004   #6
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is she a single mom ?
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Old 10-14-2004   #7
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hmmm...at least she treats you right and sees you as the sexiest man alive.
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Old 10-14-2004   #8
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ummm ... candice, did we read the same post!?!?!?

Buff, sounds like she's rooting the pizza delivery guy ...

watching a man masturbate is sexy half of the time ......... the other half its just quicker

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Old 10-14-2004   #9
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Quote:
Originally posted by Buff@Oct 13 2004, 11:34 PM

stupid is a really poor follow up to silly.
haha!
i like that line.
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Old 10-14-2004   #10
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Quote:
Originally posted by cj@Oct 14 2004, 03:48 AM
watching a man masturbate is sexy half of the time ......... the other half its just quicker
No arguments here
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Old 10-14-2004   #11
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Does this mean you'll be back making content?
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Old 10-14-2004   #12
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Originally posted by Anthony@Oct 14 2004, 07:51 AM
Does this mean you'll be back making content?
"...they just pull me back in"!
;-)))
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Old 10-14-2004   #13
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Maybe she needs a vacation to Tampa....

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Old 10-14-2004   #14
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Quote:
she's rooting the pizza delivery guy
rooting!!!

ahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

OMFG!!! I forgot the old ozzie word "root"

LOL

;-)))
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Old 10-14-2004   #15
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Note to self
When did Oprano become Penthouse Forum




and yes I know the immortal words ......
Psychiatry and cunnilingus brought us to this







Checking leg to see which is being pulled
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Old 10-14-2004   #16
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Quote:
Originally posted by cj@Oct 14 2004, 06:48 AM
ummm ... candice, did we read the same post!?!?!?

Buff, sounds like she's rooting the pizza delivery guy ...

watching a man masturbate is sexy half of the time ......... the other half its just quicker

Candice is persistant in sigwhoring......its one of the few threads she can post something in and get a sig view.
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Old 10-14-2004   #17
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Open reply to Buff -

"Ya gotta Eat More to Score"
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Old 10-14-2004   #18
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Quote:
Originally posted by gonzo@Oct 14 2004, 10:41 AM
Open reply to Buff -

"Ya gotta Eat More to Score"

I don't think that is Buff's problem.....
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Old 10-14-2004   #19
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Quote:
Originally posted by Mike AI+Oct 14 2004, 12:23 PM-->
QUOTE (Mike AI @ Oct 14 2004, 12:23 PM)
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Old 10-14-2004   #20
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Quote:
Originally posted by gonzo+Oct 14 2004, 07:40 AM-->
QUOTE (gonzo @ Oct 14 2004, 07:40 AM)
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Old 10-14-2004   #21
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Buff hears the strangest things echo through the walls
Moaning, groaning, eroneous zone, bouncing like a ball
Crash, bang, boom, bang, bump-a-dee-bump - all night to meet the band
Oh no Buff feels the pain how much more can he stand


The neighbors pounded on the pipes
They call on the phone
There they go again
Bone to bone

Sex - Sex - Sex
Sex - Sex - Sex
Uh - Sex - Uh
Sex - Sex

Buff never sees them come or sees them go
But somehow they sound the same
Miniskirts and see-through shirts
A high heel crying shame

Check in and checkin' out
Well this ain't no sleaze hotel
Calling 'til the daylight comes
But check-out time is twelve

Dishes off the wall
The bed springs squeak
But the mating call
Makes a strong man weak

Sex - Sex - Sex
Buff wants to ride a jungle gym
Sex - Sex - Sex
With her on top of him
Uh - Sex - Uh
Oh baby up 'til now
Sex - Sex

Buff door's always open
Buff phone's on the hook
Buff mailbox is waiting
Buff names in the book
Got ads in the paper
But nobody cares
The bedroom gets lonely
The action's over there

Sex - Sex - Sex
Sex - Sex - Sex
Sex

Sex - Sex - Sex
Buff wants some
Sex - Sex
You got them don't forget about me
Sex - Sex - Sex
Oh no
Sex - Sex
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Old 10-14-2004   #22
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Old 10-14-2004   #23
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I use to know a guy named Buff.. then he started having poker games without me : )

Kind of like the sex she is having now.. without you : )
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Old 10-14-2004   #24
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Quote:
Originally posted by Anthony+Oct 14 2004, 11:41 AM-->
« Previous Thread | Next Thread »

QUOTE (Anthony @ Oct 14 2004, 11:41 AM)
Quote:
Originally posted by gonzo@Oct 14 2004, 07:40 AM
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Old 10-14-2004   #25
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Quote:
Originally posted by Nickatilynx@Oct 14 2004, 09:15 AM
Quote:
she's rooting the pizza delivery guy
rooting!!!

ahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

OMFG!!! I forgot the old ozzie word "root"

LOL

;-)))


I'll never forget the last florida show I went to around the pool with some of the jettis guys, shok, ken, rrred etc .... we had an indepth conversation for about half an hour about the different ways you can use the word root interrupted occasionally by random (confused) webmasters being sent over by shok to ask us if we wanted a root
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