Buff's NOPD Adventure

[Buff]

It's April 1st, but this is no April Fool's tale. The following events really happened, as described:

It was about 1:30am on Wednesday when Crystal told me she was starving. She has very particular tastebuds and often gets cravings for specific foods. Wednesday, she wanted "fast food" -- something greasy, I guess. I insisted we go to the 24 hour grocery store to get some "real food" which I would be happy to prepare for her, but that sounded like too much of a hassle, and she just wanted some Mc Donald's. There is only one McDonald's open that late in the Greater New Orleans area, and it's near a pretty ghetto neighborhood on Claiborne.

We have only one car, and Crystal loves to drive, but she's new to the area (just moved down here December 17th from Cali) and so I usually drive when we're going somewhere new -- mostly because New Orleans can be a very difficult city to navigate if you don't know the roads -- there's a lot of twisting and turning and last second merging across 3 lanes to get where you're trying to go. But last night, she insisted I let her drive, so I gave in.

We got to McDonald's fine and she got her Spicy McChicken Sandwich (or whatever it was) and then we pulled out and headed back home on Claiborne. I guess we looked suspicious -- two whities too close to the ghetto late at night....

When she got pulled over by the NOPD, she told me she had left her license at home. I knew it was going to be a bad night.

The officer asked for her license and registration, we explained that she left it at the apartment and I also informed the officer that I did have a gun in the car, since it was obvious he was planning to search the car anyway. I wasn't worried about that, because it's legal to have a gun in your car in Louisiana, because the car is considered an extension of your home for that purpose, and the gun is registered to me (I bought it new in 2001 -- a Taurus Millenium .45). So his partner took the gun and then they asked for my license since the car was registered to me, and then they went back to their car. I called our roommate and had him find her license and read me the number, which I gave to the officers to help them out.

At this point, I started laughing, because I knew what was coming, and the whole night was about to turn into an Murphy's Law exercise. Crystal was very upset -- she had never been pulled over before. I tried to soothe her, but she remained upset. I told her I was probably going to be going to jail, since I had an unpaid speeding ticket in Kenner -- a 45 in a 35 which I had skipped the court date for -- I do that a lot, partly in protest of the state and its bullshit form of tax collection (traffic tickets) and partly because I have better things to do when I'm supposed to go to court. The ticket was from July of 2003 and the court date I skipped was from September, so there was an attachment for my arrest -- a "warrant."

So the cop called told Crystal to pop the trunk and called me to the back of the car. He put my empty gun into the trunk and then emptied the magazine one round at a time with his thumb into the trunk. Then he told me I was going to jail and not to "do anything stupid." I gave him a funny look like "Am I acting like someone who is going to resist arrest?" I had been nothing but polite and courteous like I am with all police officers, except Billy. He didn't cuff me or anything, just told me to sit tight until the transport got there. I started chuckling, thinking to myself how little issues ignored can bloom into full-blown disasters.

They didn't even search the car or tell us why she got pulled over. And he even let Crystal drive home without her license. The other officer arrived, and I could tell that he felt like it was dumb to take me to lockup for a silly speeding ticket. I never once complained or anything, and he was going out of his way to make sure the cuffs weren't too tight and that I got in the car alright, etc. I told him I had never been in any trouble with the law before and had no idea how the system worked at all, so he explained to me what he could about how lockup works while we drove.

to be continued....

[Joe Sixpack]

Originally posted by Buff@Apr 1 2004, 05:42 AM
It's April 1st, but this is no April Fool's tale. The following events really happened, as described:

It was about 1:30am on Wednesday when Crystal told me she was starving. She has very particular tastebuds and often gets cravings for specific foods. Wednesday, she wanted "fast food" -- something greasy, I guess. I insisted we go to the 24 hour grocery store to get some "real food" which I would be happy to prepare for her, but that sounded like too much of a hassle, and she just wanted some Mc Donald's. There is only one McDonald's open that late in the Greater New Orleans area, and it's near a pretty ghetto neighborhood on Claiborne.

We have only one car, and Crystal loves to drive, but she's new to the area (just moved down here December 17th from Cali) and so I usually drive when we're going somewhere new -- mostly because New Orleans can be a very difficult city to navigate if you don't know the roads -- there's a lot of twisting and turning and last second merging across 3 lanes to get where you're trying to go. But last night, she insisted I let her drive, so I gave in.

We got to McDonald's fine and she got her Spicy McChicken Sandwich (or whatever it was) and then we pulled out and headed back home on Claiborne. I guess we looked suspicious -- two whities too close to the ghetto late at night....

When she got pulled over by the NOPD, she told me she had left her license at home. I knew it was going to be a bad night.

The officer asked for her license and registration, we explained that she left it at the apartment and I also informed the officer that I did have a gun in the car, since it was obvious he was planning to search the car anyway. I wasn't worried about that, because it's legal to have a gun in your car in Louisiana, because the car is considered an extension of your home for that purpose, and the gun is registered to me (I bought it new in 2001 -- a Taurus Millenium .45). So his partner took the gun and then they asked for my license since the car was registered to me, and then they went back to their car. I called our roommate and had him find her license and read me the number, which I gave to the officers to help them out.

At this point, I started laughing, because I knew what was coming, and the whole night was about to turn into an Murphy's Law exercise. Crystal was very upset -- she had never been pulled over before. I tried to soothe her, but she remained upset. I told her I was probably going to be going to jail, since I had an unpaid speeding ticket in Kenner -- a 45 in a 35 which I had skipped the court date for -- I do that a lot, partly in protest of the state and its bullshit form of tax collection (traffic tickets) and partly because I have better things to do when I'm supposed to go to court. The ticket was from July of 2003 and the court date I skipped was from September, so there was an attachment for my arrest -- a "warrant."

So the cop called told Crystal to pop the trunk and called me to the back of the car. He put my empty gun into the trunk and then emptied the magazine one round at a time with his thumb into the trunk. Then he told me I was going to jail and not to "do anything stupid." I gave him a funny look like "Am I acting like someone who is going to resist arrest?" I had been nothing but polite and courteous like I am with all police officers, except Billy. He didn't cuff me or anything, just told me to sit tight until the transport got there. I started chuckling, thinking to myself how little issues ignored can bloom into full-blown disasters.

They didn't even search the car or tell us why she got pulled over. And he even let Crystal drive home without her license. The other officer arrived, and I could tell that he felt like it was dumb to take me to lockup for a silly speeding ticket. I never once complained or anything, and he was going out of his way to make sure the cuffs weren't too tight and that I got in the car alright, etc. I told him I had never been in any trouble with the law before and had no idea how the system worked at all, so he explained to me what he could about how lockup works while we drove.

to be continued....

Hahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahhahahahahahahahaha !

[Bishop]

Originally posted by Buff@Apr 1 2004, 08:42 AM
Crystal was very upset -- she had never been pulled over before. I tried to soothe her, but she remained upset.

Reading this story I thought you where going to get in trouble for publically soothing her.. hahah..

[[Labret]]

to be continued....

I knew something was wrong when he stopped the car behind the local WalMart where I buy all my clothes and work as a greeter on the weekends.

Before I knew it I was out of the car and bent over the back of the patrol car. Within minutes, 5 other officers arrived and were quickly gathering around the back of the vehicle.

"Whats going on?" I asked.

No reply.

"You realize I am a war hero and general all around bad ass right?"

No reply.

Just then a very large black cop rounded the back of the car and began to pat me down.

"didnt we already do this" I asked.

This was no usual patdown, it was slow and methodical, his strong black hands working every inch of my legs. Within minutes I had an erection that rivaled Gonzo's at a boyscout meeting.

"whats this?" the officer asked.

"That would be my dick officer"

to be continued...

[Joe Sixpack]

Originally posted by [Labret]@Apr 1 2004, 05:55 AM

I knew something was wrong when he stopped the car behind the local WalMart where I buy all my clothes and work as a greeter on the weekends.

Before I knew it I was out of the car and bent over the back of the patrol car. Within minutes, 5 other officers arrived and were quickly gathering around the back of the vehicle.

"Whats going on?" I asked.

No reply.

"You realize I am a war hero and general all around bad ass right?"

No reply.

Just then a very large black cop rounded the back of the car and began to pat me down.

"didnt we already do this" I asked.

This was no usual patdown, it was slow and methodical, his strong black hands working every inch of my legs. Within minutes I had an erection that rivaled Gonzo's at a boyscout meeting.

"whats this?" the officer asked.

"That would be my dick officer"

to be continued...

Hahahahahahahaahahahahahhahahahahahaha!

...and to think, I thought I was done with lauging out loud tonight.

[Buff]

Originally posted by [Labret]@Apr 1 2004, 07:55 AM

I knew something was wrong when he stopped the car behind the local WalMart where I buy all my clothes and work as a greeter on the weekends.

Before I knew it I was out of the car and bent over the back of the patrol car. Within minutes, 5 other officers arrived and were quickly gathering around the back of the vehicle.

"Whats going on?" I asked.

No reply.

"You realize I am a war hero and general all around bad ass right?"

No reply.

Just then a very large black cop rounded the back of the car and began to pat me down.

"didnt we already do this" I asked.

This was no usual patdown, it was slow and methodical, his strong black hands working every inch of my legs. Within minutes I had an erection that rivaled Gonzo's at a boyscout meeting.

"whats this?" the officer asked.

"That would be my dick officer"

to be continued...

No, that happened at lockup. Quit jumping the gun and just wait for pt 2.

[Mike AI]

Buff, I really hope this is an April Fool's joke!!

[Buff]

Originally posted by Mike AI@Apr 1 2004, 08:06 AM
Buff, I really hope this is an April Fool's joke!!

Sadly, it's not.

[masterp74]

Originally posted by Buff+Apr 1 2004, 06:14 AM-->