Political Jokes..

How to tell if you work for the government:
* You understand the rationalization of an acronym comprised of acronyms.

* You can name the project leader of more than 10 projects including your own, but still can't explain in the simplest terms what they do.

* You know that the location of a meeting is directly related to it's importance. (1) A meeting at Fort Hood requires a subordinate or a contractor. (2) The same meeting at Lake Tahoe requires your personal attention.

* You work for an acronym, on an acronym, and your job title is an acronym.

* You've sat at the same desk for 3 years, done the same thing for 3 years, but have had 3 different business cards.

* The process becomes more important than the product.

* You don't see anything wrong with attending a meeting on a subject you know nothing about.

* You feel you contributed to the meeting just by being there.

* You realize that a paperless office is impossible. Actually, you believe it is possible, just not in your office.

* You keep documents/manuals on projects that have been long since canceled.

* You stop raising issues/problems because you know you will be the one answering them.

* You fly across the country to attend a conference with 100+ people to discuss the fact that the project does not have enough money.

* You've sat at the same desk for 4 years and worked for three different agencies.

* Your name plate is attached with Velcro.

* Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket.

* The office symbol on your badge is applied with tape.

* When someone asks about what you do for a living, you lie.

* You get really excited about a 2% pay raise.

* Your biggest loss from a system crash is that you loose your best jokes.

* Your supervisor doesn't have the ability to do your job.

* You sit in a cubicle smaller than your bedroom closet.

* You think lunch is just a meeting to which you drive.

* It's dark when you drive to and from work.

* Fun is when issues are assigned to someone else.

* Communication is something your group is having problems with.

* You see a good looking person and know it is a visitor.

* Free food left over from meetings is your main staple.

* Weekends are those days your spouse makes you stay home.

* Being sick is defined as can't walk or you're in the hospital.

* Art involves a white board.

* You're already late on the assignment you just got.

* You work 200 hours for the $100 performance check and jubilantly say, "Oh wow, thanks!"

* Dilbert cartoons hang outside every cube.

* Your boss' favorite lines are "when you get a few minutes," "in your spare time," "when you're freed up," and "I have an opportunity for you."

* Vacation is something you roll over to next year.

* Your relatives and family describe your job as "works with computers."

* Change is the norm.

* Nepotism is encouraged.

* The only reason you recognize your kids is because their pictures hang in your cube.

* You only have makeup for fluorescent lighting.

* You can name more people that used to work with you than people who do.







Last edited by Dollpix at Nov 18 2002, 11:00 AM

[Winetalk.com]

..and finally,
can you post something of YOUR own,
without cut and paste from anywhere?

this is Oprano, you know
;-))

[PornoDoggy]

Damn. That ain't just government. That's just as applicable to the Fortunre 500 as it is to Uncle ...

[ulfie]

Originally posted by PornoDoggy@Nov 18 2002, 02:32 PM
Damn. That ain't just government. That's just as applicable to the Fortunre 500 as it is to Uncle ...

Sounds like where I used to work only it was a Fortune 100 company not the government. They used to fly me all over the world to do stuff I could have done from my office computer or my home one for that matter. I never complained though because I like to travel plus at night I got to go out to strip clubs with MikeAI if I was in NO or other people in the business depending on where I was. :P

[Mike AI]

Strip Clubs with ME??? You must have me confused with someone else...

[Peaches]

They used to fly me all over the world to do stuff I could have done from my office computer or my home one for that matter.

Hehehe - when I was at Sprint, we had SEVERAL sales people that had territories far away from where they lived (someone in Atlanta would have Chicago, someone in Tampa would have NY, etc.). They would fly them out on Monday mornings, sit them in the "distant" office for the week, put them in a hotel M-F, then fly them home on Friday. Remember that the next time you get your phone bill

[ulfie]

Originally posted by Mike AI@Nov 18 2002, 04:40 PM
Strip Clubs with ME??? You must have me confused with someone else...

Oh, I forgot, we go to the library and then the ballet when I'm in town.

[Edd]

Ulfie - don't you mean "museums" and "botanical gardens" ?

[ulfie]

Originally posted by Peaches@Nov 18 2002, 04:47 PM
Hehehe - when I was at Sprint, we had SEVERAL sales people that had territories far away from where they lived (someone in Atlanta would have Chicago, someone in Tampa would have NY, etc.). They would fly them out on Monday mornings, sit them in the "distant" office for the week, put them in a hotel M-F, then fly them home on Friday. Remember that the next time you get your phone bill

Peaches, that's a prime example of how screwed up these big companies are. I used to "commute" from Pittsburgh to Puerto Rico. There was no real reason that I had to be there other than some VP wanted me there. Was I going to complain? Hell no!! 20 degrees and snow or 80 degrees and chicks in bikinis on the beach. Pretty easy choice.

[ulfie]

Edd, musuems are our thing, don't make mike jealous.

Please! Be alert! The world needs more lerts!!

[Winetalk.com]

Originally posted by Dollpix@Nov 18 2002, 07:35 PM
Please! Be alert! The world needs more lerts!!

did you come up with that yourself or is it another cut and paste?