OT (isn't everything here?) How to tell a truly great lie :)

[Queen Bitch]

Damn, I hate it when I screw up my inventory and even worse when I actually sell said inventory.

In my own defense, my product is spread among 3 rooms at the moment in a house that more than likely is cleverly hiding a minotaur. If I don't fall over something at least once a day the place is too neat.

So, it figures that I sold two sets of liters to one person and of course, I'm missing one liter..the other 5 being at home, which does me one hell of a lot of good at the moment.

Anyway, eBay being what it is, I'm cruisin' for a neg if I don't ship this 30 buck liter of conditioner (adult was so much simpler).

What to say? Tell the truth? FUCK NO, that's the shortest route to a neg. Tell a lie? You betcha, but you gotta have some style about it.

So I closed my eyes, thought, "What would Nick say? a la "You're my favorite child, don't tell the others" and came up with this:

Dear Deanna (Yup, my tocaya!)

You may have read in my store that I'm out of town. I'm in Texas helping my boyfriend pack up and move to Mexico (SLOW GOING). Anyway, I've been here for 2 1/2 weeks (with enough clothes for 5 days) and this place is a gigantic mess..I have product everywhere! I found my way through the maze to the living room, grabbed your 4 liters and wandered back to the office (only getting lost once!), where I managed to drop one of the conditioners and splatter it from one end of the hardwood floor to the other.

After seriouisly considering squeegying it back into the bottle, my senses briefly returned. I put the rest of the liter in the shower, prayed the dog would eat the spillage, and sat down to think up a decent excuse for shorting your order.

Alas, I coudln't come up with anything better than the truth. (always a nice touch)

I have 5 liters of conditioner at home, which might as well be on the other side of the planet at this point.

There are a a couple of options here, none of which are perfect:.

I can refund you for the conditioner or I can send you another when I get home, hopefully Monday. It's your call, of course.

Please let me know which you prefer. All options include lots of samples and sucking up >:-}

Regards,
Deanna Figueroa


Thanks Nick, you're a constant source of inspiration.

[Red]

Oh that is just wonderful.

[Anthony]

Product, huh?

We used to call jejo. I guess that's the professional term for it!

[Queen Bitch]

You used to call shampoo jejo? Really.

[Anthony]

Originally Posted by Queen Bitch

You used to call shampoo jejo? Really.

I read product, dropping conditioner (Acetone) and squegging it back in the bottle.

The rest was boring.

[Peaches]

Damn you're good

[Queen Bitch]

Even Ant can't ruin a good lie :P

[TheEnforcer]

Words of wisdom on lying by a master liar Elim Garak.

This quote is especially relevant here..

Garak: The truth is usually just an excuse for a lack of imagination.
~Improbable Cause

[after Bashir tells the story of The Boy Who Cried Wolf]
Dr. Julian Bashir: The point is, if you lie all the time, nobody's going to believe you, even when you're telling the truth.
Elim Garak: Are you sure that's the point, doctor?
Dr. Julian Bashir: Of course. What else could it be?
Elim Garak: That you should never tell the same lie twice.

Lying is a skill like any other, and if you want to maintain a level of excellence, you have to practice constantly. ~ In Purgatory's Shadow

[Queen Bitch]

Excellent, Enforcer!!

[Dale_Ryan]

Nice one man!