DB Designer/Programmer/Analyst/Mgr available

sarettah · 05-21-2004

Does not do web design with pretty graphics.
Does not do free computer repair.
Does not agee with everything you say.
Does not Bullshit.
Is not at all politically correct.
Is obstinate, headstrong, egotistical, mean, ugly and fiercely independent.
Will tell you to fuck yourself in a heartbeat when it is appropriate.
Is not a team player in most senses of the word.
Does not play, like or appreciate office politics.
Does not get along well with others. (failed sandbox in kindergarten)
Is not a YES man, is not a NO man.
Demands client participation in their project.
Is high maintenance.
Delivers loyalty and demands loyalty in return.

Often Leads, rarely follows.

Will provide honest feedback at all times.
Can work with any fucking database: MySql, Oracle, SQLserver, FoxPro, Dbase, Paradox, Access, pretty much any fucking thing.
Can code fluently in multiple languages across multiple platforms.
Lives by the KISS principle. (definitely not by the KISS ASS principle)
Deals well with reality.
Takes minimal design requirements and turns them into reality.

Highest offer above 120k a year takes possesion immediately.

Is toilet trained.

Contact IamafuckingbastardbutIgetthejobdone@...sdesign s.com

Last edited by sarettah at May 21 2004, 07:13 PM

DrGuile · 05-21-2004

I was looking for a YES man. Sorry

sarettah · 05-21-2004

Quote:

Originally posted by DrGuile@May 21 2004, 03:24 PM
I was looking for a YES man. Sorry

I forgot to mention.. I am extremely flexible, can change my entire personality for any offer above 150K......

(I aint cheap but I can be bought)

DrGuile · 05-21-2004

I think an ugly programmer is a pleonasm...

sarettah · 05-21-2004

Quote:

Originally posted by DrGuile@May 21 2004, 03:39 PM
I think an ugly programmer is a pleonasm...

Damn, you keep reminding me of important things that I forgot to mention....

Possesses a very limited vocabulary that consists of predominantly four letter words......

pleonasm my ass............

Mike AI · 05-21-2004

What languages do you program in?

pushpills · 05-21-2004

will you work as a prostitute?

dantheman · 05-21-2004

do you sw..............never mind : P

sarettah · 05-21-2004

Quote:

Originally posted by Mike AI@May 21 2004, 04:21 PM
What languages do you program in?

coding is coding is coding...

Well versed in:

ASP
PHP
VB
VFP (and any of the xbase db languages)
Business BASIC
Power BASIC (pretty much any of the various BASIC versions all the way back to Gwbasic)
COBOL
RPG

(those are languages that I am actually developing in or have done projects in)

have used (but never done FULL development projects in)
C (from regular old C to C++)
FORTRAN
PERL
CCIS

Currently working in a windows environment writing ASP stuff against a SQL server database on the web side and using FoxPro and VB on the windows desktop side) for the dayjob. Also developing some windows desktop projects on the side in FoxPro, VB and powerbasic.

Did PHP against MYSql and SQLserver on the last job for the serverside and FoxPro against Oracle, SQLserver and SYBase on the desktop side. Also did some PERL utilities making Windows talk to UNIX and visa versa.

Prior to that I was in a predominantly mainframe shop (from 94-96 the only one developing PC and network apps out of a 25-50 programmer shop) using FoxPro and various BASICs on the desktop side, COBOL on the maniframe side and RPG on the 38.

sarettah · 05-21-2004

Quote:

Originally posted by pushpills@May 21 2004, 04:30 PM
will you work as a prostitute?

For 200k a year I could be convinced to whore myself out...........

Peaches · 05-21-2004

I need a TiVo programmer and I didn't that on your list

Sorry! Plus I can't afford you. My other programmers usually work for beer

sarettah · 05-21-2004

Quote:

Originally posted by Peaches@May 21 2004, 04:56 PM
I need a TiVo programmer and I didn't that on your list Sorry! Plus I can't afford you. My other programmers usually work for beer

I've never done TIVO, but I am fluent in VCR

Hardly drink anyways...........

HoneyBlond · 05-21-2004

Sarettah,

That is the best resume I have ever seen.

( I'd hire you for honesty alone

)

Last edited by HoneyBlond at May 22 2004, 03:22 PM

Peaches · 05-21-2004

Quote:

Originally posted by sarettah@May 21 2004, 06:01 PM
I've never done TIVO, but I am fluent in VCR

And you left THAT off your resume??!!

Opti · 05-22-2004

having a bad day Sarettah? :\ Your price is rising at a fast pace! Will be up around 400k by this afternoon at this rate

Your current employer better pray someone smart around here doesn't snap you up by the looks

sarettah · 05-22-2004

Quote:

Originally posted by Opti@May 22 2004, 02:10 PM
having a bad day Sarettah? :\ Your price is rising at a fast pace! Will be up around 400k by this afternoon at this rate

Your current employer better pray someone smart around here doesn't snap you up by the looks

I'd take 400K.....

It's been a bad year actually...lololol.......but some days I just get tired of the petty backstabbing asshole bullshit, ya know..........

All I want to do is do my job and make some money, other folks want to play politics and say fuck making the money.....

Doesn't make sense to me....

But what do I know............

JoesHO · 05-22-2004

Good luck Sarretah, I hope it comes your way...

Dravyk · 05-23-2004

Quote:

Originally posted by sarettah@May 21 2004, 04:35 PM
I forgot to mention.. I am extremely flexible

I'll valge for that! Sare sent me nude pics of himself and he is indeed flexible!!

No, I didn't request them nor ask me why he sent them. I'm too damned afraid to. :P

sarettah · 05-23-2004

Quote:

« Previous Thread | Next Thread »

Originally posted by Dravyk+May 23 2004, 02:06 AM-->
QUOTE (Dravyk @ May 23 2004, 02:06 AM)

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05-25-2004 #20

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Quote:

Originally posted by sarettah@May 23 2004, 09:40 PM
shhhh... everyone will want them..............

hehe Got a reseller program?

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05-25-2004 #21

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If you're truly as dead sexy as it seems and dead serious about wanting a job as a webmaster, I might be able to steer you to someone that's hiring. But ONLY if you are serious.

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05-25-2004 #22

sarettah

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Quote:

Originally posted by venturi@May 25 2004, 03:45 AM
If you're truly as dead sexy as it seems and dead serious about wanting a job as a webmaster, I might be able to steer you to someone that's hiring. But ONLY if you are serious.

Me, dead sexy ???

I am an oogly old guy.... Nothing sexy about me...lolololol....

I am always open to offers

My current rants are in regard to some specific situations right now.

The current situation here is that I have 2 peers who are really pissed off that the company had to lay off 3 employees (I don't like it either, but reality is reality and the easiest way to cut costs rapidly is through personnel). In response, they have somewhat decided (consciously or unconsciously) to create a bottleneck. Every project quote from thier desk is coming in totally inflated. I am still doing my quotes based on what I percieve as reality.

The result is that on one project, they have quoted the boss man thousands of hours (literally) and I have said that I could have something up and working in a month.

This has put me at odds with them. In a meeting they even said, yes, we could probably have something up and running in a month, but that it wouldn't be "done" (and I had never said anything about done). So we have the merry widow go round about whether projects are allowed to go live before they are "done" or whether to piece them in.

My view is that they are pissed at the boss, so they are basically sabotagueing the process. I have no problem with them fucking with the boss. I do have a problem with them basically putting a stoppage on all new work.

New work is a major part of our revenue stream. If they shut down part of the revenue stream then we lose more money which means more layoffs etc. It becomes the spiral vortex down the toilet bowl.

Basically, If you are gonna go on strike, at least give me the courtesy of going out to the street with your picket signs, so there is no doubt about it.

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05-25-2004 #23

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sarettah - that story is a prime example why I don't like (most) humans

There you have 2 people (with a union mentality) who would be better served to just be concerned with themselves, I won't take it as far as to say be happy because they still have jobs and are not the ones who got laid off

and if they are so up in arms about the workplace situations why .....

... don't they go somewhere else

It's a free market

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05-21-2004	#4
DrGuile french with welsh tendancies Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 2,007	I think an ugly programmer is a pleonasm... __________________ LiveBucks / Privatefeeds - Giving you money since 1999 Up to 40% Commission! 25% Webmaster Referal

05-21-2004	#6
Mike AI Administrator Want to see your own Advertising Here! Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 11,618	What languages do you program in? __________________ Make big money on your Domains! Why wait 40 days to get paid with the other guys? Parked.com pays the most for your traffic, and cuts checks twice a month!

05-21-2004	#7
pushpills ¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯ The global leader in pay-per-view AEBN Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: chicago Posts: 3,460	will you work as a prostitute? __________________ ...Almighty Content - Free feeds for your members area!... The internet is a great way to get on the net. -Bob Dole ...Remote Thumbs - Make your TGP work for you!...

05-21-2004	#8
dantheman Members Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 1,878	do you sw..............never mind : P __________________ "Never argue with an idiot....he will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience."

05-21-2004	#11
Peaches Members Want to see your own Advertising Here! Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Hills of N. GA Posts: 10,823	I need a TiVo programmer and I didn't that on your list Sorry! Plus I can't afford you. My other programmers usually work for beer __________________ Peaches@onlinebeach.com ICQ# 36734533

05-21-2004	#1
sarettah Stay Out Of The Box Want to see your own Advertising Here! Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Lost in the ozone Posts: 10,318	Does not do web design with pretty graphics. Does not do free computer repair. Does not agee with everything you say. Does not Bullshit. Is not at all politically correct. Is obstinate, headstrong, egotistical, mean, ugly and fiercely independent. Will tell you to fuck yourself in a heartbeat when it is appropriate. Is not a team player in most senses of the word. Does not play, like or appreciate office politics. Does not get along well with others. (failed sandbox in kindergarten) Is not a YES man, is not a NO man. Demands client participation in their project. Is high maintenance. Delivers loyalty and demands loyalty in return. Often Leads, rarely follows. Will provide honest feedback at all times. Can work with any fucking database: MySql, Oracle, SQLserver, FoxPro, Dbase, Paradox, Access, pretty much any fucking thing. Can code fluently in multiple languages across multiple platforms. Lives by the KISS principle. (definitely not by the KISS ASS principle) Deals well with reality. Takes minimal design requirements and turns them into reality. Highest offer above 120k a year takes possesion immediately. Is toilet trained. Contact IamafuckingbastardbutIgetthejobdone@...sdesign s.com Last edited by sarettah at May 21 2004, 07:13 PM __________________ Free Adult Webcams

05-21-2004	#2
DrGuile french with welsh tendancies Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 2,007	I was looking for a YES man. Sorry __________________ LiveBucks / Privatefeeds - Giving you money since 1999 Up to 40% Commission! 25% Webmaster Referal

05-21-2004	#13
HoneyBlond Mostly Harmless Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Australia Posts: 309	Sarettah, That is the best resume I have ever seen. ( I'd hire you for honesty alone ) Last edited by HoneyBlond at May 22 2004, 03:22 PM __________________ Capital letters were always the best way of dealing with things you didn't have a good answer to. ICQ 11157134 Aim HunnyBlond1 Eml honeyb@honeyblond.com

05-22-2004	#15
Opti Members Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 1,205	having a bad day Sarettah? :\ Your price is rising at a fast pace! Will be up around 400k by this afternoon at this rate Your current employer better pray someone smart around here doesn't snap you up by the looks

05-22-2004	#17
JoesHO Members Want to see your own Advertising Here! Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 5,085	Good luck Sarretah, I hope it comes your way... __________________ AEBN THE GLOBAL LEADER IN ADULT EVOLUTION something FIT this way comes!