Christmas Should Come

[Vick]

Christmas Should Come Once every 5 years

It's just too much hassle, too many pain in the neck things to be responsible for - and if I suggest this - I'm a Scrooge

let's look at the things that come every 4 years (besides voodooman) and see how they rate

The Olympics - every 4 years it's hard to get excited about athletes from around the world competing

If it weren't for the possibility of Nude Women's Curling becoming an Olympic Sport I don't think anyone would care about the Winter Olympics (oh you think you care about the Winter Olympic - ok who won the men's skeleton gold medal? ....... Don't bother to go look it was Jim Shea Jr., a third-generation Olympian)

Leap Year - Leap year is almost cool - if anyone had the sense to have a leap year day party

Presidential Elections - what a huge fuck-a-row that is, and you don't even have to go to the mall for it

and while we're on the subject of the mall - where do all these fucking people come from? (yeah I get the irony of that sentence, they came from fucking)
We're talking wall to wall, tree top tall, whoville looking, god awful dressing, no parking, goofballs - did I say no parking - I think half of them are stuck in a holding patten around the mall (how much Holiday goodwill towards man do you see with 4 cars aiming for the one vacant parking spot)

And all to get the lovely last minute saving a 1.99 scarf for Aunt Martha who in return is going to give you that same damn fruitcake that has passed through 4 generations in your family (hint, it will make a lovely doorstop)


You know the 3 words I fear most ......... (Nope, Not "I Love you")
Some Assembly Required


Just watch your insane relatives this year
See how many arguments Christmas causes ... and in the name of good cheer - how funny is that!!!


and nobody gets this one - supposedly Christmas is for Christians to celebrate the birth of Christ
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK - wake up call
If you believe the bible Christ was born in October - oh yeah
Christ was 33.5 when he died (you wacky fun loving Christians allow your savior to be nailed to a cross .... whoa - there's a new way to say Thanks - that's why Christians will never rule the world - if there's a God he's pissed and saying you dumb fuckers - I give you a savior and you play pin the guy on the cross with him )
and Christ was to have supposed to have died in April
Now I don't know what calendar you're using but mine says .5 years = 6 months so April + 6months = October

(please don't start with the Christmas was made close to Candlemas to appease the pagans- if you wanted to appease the pagans just throw a body on the yule log)


Let's look a Christmas Day it's self
Now I have a lovely family, nice people and my in-laws are swell too ..........
But, try putting 24 people in 2 rooms that might fit 12 comfortably and have wrapping paper flying, fake happy faces for the fruitcake, kids running and screaming, a dog dancing through, (12 maids a milking) 6 people trying to engage me in conversations I could not care less about, every relative wanted to hold my son (that's right, please pass the germs, I'll have your fucking cold next week, just in time for New Year's thank you very much for that present) and then trying to configure all these people to the dining room

and mix for about 2 hours and you can see why I'm getting drunk... oh yeah - I bring my own fifth of Jim Beam Black - and I look forward to passing out - call me a lush - I call me sane

and then the best part ..... we get to pack up from my parents and go do it all over again at my wife's parents .... only it's even more crowded


Christmas would be good every 5 years .... or maybe not



Last edited by Vick at Nov 26 2002, 09:19 PM