Official Rampant Silliness Thread

[MorganGrayson]

A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number. The Redneck says, "I want my $20 million."

The man replied, "No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years."

The Redneck said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it."

Again, the man explain that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years.

The Redneck, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my money! If you're not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my dollar back!"

[Red]

A drunk is staggering down the street with his car keys in his hand, and his member hanging out when he sees a cop.

He says, "Officer, Officer somebody stole my car," gesturing with his keys.

The officer says, "Where did you have it?"

The drunk says, "On the end of this key."

The policeman notices that the drunk's member is hanging out and tells him, "Sir, are you aware that you are exposing yourself?"

The drunk looks down and sees his tool protruding from his pants zipper and says, "Shee-it! They got my girlfriend too."