A moment of levity

Buff · 03-24-2003

Men's Speech Patterns

Any of these sound familiar????

Men's Speech Patterns
1. "I can't find it"
MEANS: It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I am completely
clueless.

2. "That's women's work"
MEANS: It's difficult, dirty, and thankless.

3. "Will you marry me?"
MEANS: Both of my roommates have moved out, I can't find the washer, and
there's no peanut butter left.

4. "It's a guy thing."
MEANS: There's no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you
have no chance at all of making it logical.

5. "Can I help with dinner?"
MEANS: Why isn't it already on the table?

6. "It would take too long to explain"
MEANS: I have no idea how it works.

7. "I'm getting more exercise lately"
MEANS: The batteries in the remote are dead.

8. "We're going to be late."
MEANS: I have a legitimate reason for driving like a maniac.

9. "Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
MEANS: I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.

10. "That's interesting dear."
MEANS: Are you still talking?

11. "Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love."
MEANS: I forgot our anniversary again.

12. "You expect too much from me."
MEANS: You expect me to stay awake?

13. "It's really a good movie."
MEANS: It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and naked women.

14. "You know how bad my memory is."
MEANS: I remember the words to the theme song of F-Troop, the address of
the first girl I kissed, and the vehicle identification number of every car
I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.

15. "I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses."
MEANS: The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe, and was
wearing a thong bikini.

16. "Oh, don't fuss, I just cut myself, it's no big deal."
MEANS: I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I
admit I'm hurt.

17. "Hey, I've got reasons for what I'm doing."
MEANS: What did you catch me at?

18. "She's one of those rabid feminists."
MEANS: She refused to make my coffee.

19. "I heard you."
MEANS: I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and hope I can
fake it well enough, so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at
me.

20. "You know I could never love anyone else."
MEANS: I am used to the way YOU yell at me, and realize it could be
worse.

21. "You really look terrific in that outfit."
MEANS: Please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving.

22. "I brought you a present."
MEANS: It was free ice scraper night at the ball/hockey game.

23. "I missed you."
MEANS: I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry, and we're out
of toilet paper.

24. "I'm not lost, I know exactly where we are."
MEANS: No one will ever see us alive again.

25. "This relationship is getting too serious."
MEANS: I like you almost as much as I like my truck.

26. "I don't need to read the instructions."
MEANS: I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help.

Vick · 03-25-2003

Quote:

Originally posted by Buff@Mar 24 2003, 11:40 PM
5. "Can I help with dinner?"
MEANS: Why isn't it already on the table?

I don't think I've ever heard a man say that :P

XXXPhoto · 03-25-2003

Sounds like a pro fem propaganda to me...

Why are women's feet smaller than men's?
So they can stand closer to the sink and wash dishes...

Why should you never buy a woman a watch?
Cause there's a clock on the fucking stove...

If g/f is yelling at front door and dog is howling at the back, which do you let in?
The dog... at least he'll shut the fuck up once he gets in the house...

Under oath I swear that Vick told me all of these jokes and I'm merely posting them to show evidence that he isn't the snappy dressing albeit lanky prissy boy everyone thinks he is; but rather a true manly man with huge hairy dangling balls women in the greater Baltimore area swoon over...

gigi · 03-25-2003

Those were good Buff.....hahaha

Mark,
Nice call on the disclaimer......yer just lucky.....

XXXPhoto · 03-25-2003

Quote:

Originally posted by gigi@Mar 24 2003, 11:39 PM
Those were good Buff.....hahaha

Mark,
Nice call on the disclaimer......yer just lucky.....

GiGi...

Yuppers... as WOD 'token male' I learned the CYA rule long ago... you ladies are deadly... lol

Vick · 03-25-2003

and I was the second gunman on the grassy knoll

03-24-2003	#1
Buff Members Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 1,561	Men's Speech Patterns Any of these sound familiar???? Men's Speech Patterns 1. "I can't find it" MEANS: It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I am completely clueless. 2. "That's women's work" MEANS: It's difficult, dirty, and thankless. 3. "Will you marry me?" MEANS: Both of my roommates have moved out, I can't find the washer, and there's no peanut butter left. 4. "It's a guy thing." MEANS: There's no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical. 5. "Can I help with dinner?" MEANS: Why isn't it already on the table? 6. "It would take too long to explain" MEANS: I have no idea how it works. 7. "I'm getting more exercise lately" MEANS: The batteries in the remote are dead. 8. "We're going to be late." MEANS: I have a legitimate reason for driving like a maniac. 9. "Take a break, honey, you're working too hard." MEANS: I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner. 10. "That's interesting dear." MEANS: Are you still talking? 11. "Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love." MEANS: I forgot our anniversary again. 12. "You expect too much from me." MEANS: You expect me to stay awake? 13. "It's really a good movie." MEANS: It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and naked women. 14. "You know how bad my memory is." MEANS: I remember the words to the theme song of F-Troop, the address of the first girl I kissed, and the vehicle identification number of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday. 15. "I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses." MEANS: The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe, and was wearing a thong bikini. 16. "Oh, don't fuss, I just cut myself, it's no big deal." MEANS: I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt. 17. "Hey, I've got reasons for what I'm doing." MEANS: What did you catch me at? 18. "She's one of those rabid feminists." MEANS: She refused to make my coffee. 19. "I heard you." MEANS: I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and hope I can fake it well enough, so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me. 20. "You know I could never love anyone else." MEANS: I am used to the way YOU yell at me, and realize it could be worse. 21. "You really look terrific in that outfit." MEANS: Please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving. 22. "I brought you a present." MEANS: It was free ice scraper night at the ball/hockey game. 23. "I missed you." MEANS: I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry, and we're out of toilet paper. 24. "I'm not lost, I know exactly where we are." MEANS: No one will ever see us alive again. 25. "This relationship is getting too serious." MEANS: I like you almost as much as I like my truck. 26. "I don't need to read the instructions." MEANS: I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help. __________________

03-25-2003	#3
XXXPhoto Members Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 1,048	Sounds like a pro fem propaganda to me... Why are women's feet smaller than men's? So they can stand closer to the sink and wash dishes... Why should you never buy a woman a watch? Cause there's a clock on the fucking stove... If g/f is yelling at front door and dog is howling at the back, which do you let in? The dog... at least he'll shut the fuck up once he gets in the house... Under oath I swear that Vick told me all of these jokes and I'm merely posting them to show evidence that he isn't the snappy dressing albeit lanky prissy boy everyone thinks he is; but rather a true manly man with huge hairy dangling balls women in the greater Baltimore area swoon over... __________________ Intersmart.com - Avatars, Favorite Icons, Custom Smilies, Cartoon Caricatures and more...

03-25-2003	#4
gigi on prozac - be gentle Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Canada, eh! Posts: 1,069	Those were good Buff.....hahaha Mark, Nice call on the disclaimer......yer just lucky..... __________________ A bit of fragrance always clings to the hand that gives the rose mail me

03-25-2003	#6
Vick Celebrating Company's Success with A Beer From Mini Bar Want to see your own Advertising Here! Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Little South of Sanity Posts: 6,551	and I was the second gunman on the grassy knoll __________________ Pssst Click the Button Above I once wanted to be a Gynecologist But I couldn't find an opening

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode