American version of the Pearly Gates

[Newton]

Freddie Mercury, Gianni Versace and the Queen Mum arrive at the Pearly gates. St Peter explains that only one can get through and that they each have to put forward their case for entry.

Freddie says, "I know I haven't led a perfect life and I've made some mistakes along the way, but I've made some of the most beautiful music in the world. I'll stand at the back of heaven and serenade everybody with my wondrous songs, making heaven a happier place to be."

"Pretty good, Fred" said St Peter, "what about you Gianni?" Versace says, "I make the most beautiful clothes in the world. I will completely redesign the fashions up here, from the archangels to the cherub to the choirboys.

As you well know, Pete, if you look good you will feel good and that will make heaven a happier place."

"Not bad," says St Peter. "What about you Queen Mum?"

The Queen Mum does not say a word, instead she lifts up her skirt, pulls down her knickers, shoots a full bottle of water into her vagina and lets it gush all over the floor.

"Excellent! You're in!" says St Peter.

"Hold on a minute!" says Freddie. "She didn't even say anything!"

"Fred, you know the rules," says St Peter. "A royal flush beats a pair of Queens."