PROBLEM: Two books are for sale. Which to buy?

[Winetalk.com]

Titanic: $29.99
Clinton: $29.99
Titanic: Over 3 hours to read.
Clinton: Over 3 hours to read.

Titanic: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and
Subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton: The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and
subsequent catastrophe.

Titanic: Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton: Bill is a bullshit artist.

Titanic: In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton: Ditto for Bill.

Titanic: During an ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
Clinton: Ditto for Monica.

Titanic: Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton: Let's not go there.

Titanic: Rose gets to keep her jewelry.
Clinton: Monica's forced to return her gifts.

Titanic: Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton: Clinton doesn't remember Jack.

Titanic: Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton: Monica... oooh, let's not go there, either.

Titanic: Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton: Bill goes home to Hillary... basically the same thing