it's tough to be a Jew....

[Winetalk.com]

A modern Orthodox Jewish couple, preparing for a religious wedding meets
with their rabbi for counseling. The rabbi asks if they have any last
questions before they leave. The man asks, "Rabbi, we realize it's tra-
dition for men to dance with men, and women to dance with women at the
reception. But, we'd like your permission to dance together."

"Absolutely not," says the rabbi. "It's immodest. Men and women always
dance separately."

"So after the ceremony I can't even dance with my own wife?"

"No," answered the rabbi. "It's forbidden."

"Well, okay," says the man, "What about sex? Can we finally have sex?"

"Of course!," replies the rabbi. "Sex is a mitzvah within marriage, to
have children!"

"What about different positions?" asks the man?

"No problem," says the rabbi. "It's a mitzvah!"

"Woman on top?" the man asks.

"Sure," says the rabbi. "Go for it! It's a mitzvah!"

"From behind with my wife on her knees?"

"Sure! Another mitzvah!"

"On the kitchen table?"

"Yes, yes! A mitzvah!"

"Can we do it on rubber sheets with a bottle of hot oil, a couple of
vibrators, a leather harness, a bucket of honey and a sex video?"

"You may indeed. It's all a mitzvah!"

"Can we do it standing up?"

"No." says the rabbi.

"Why not?" asks the man.

"Could lead to dancing."