100 Greatest Standups of all time

[Nickatilynx]

opti,

Check this out....

here ya go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!








Derek & Clive -
"Having A Wank"

[ from the album "Come Again" (1977) ]

DEREK:
I was having a wank the other night,
CLIVE:
Mmm.
DEREK:
I was down in the living room .....
CLIVE:
Yeah.
DEREK:
..... having a wank, er, the, the telly was on .....
CLIVE:
Yeah.
DEREK:
..... and, er,
CLIVE:
What did you use to arouse you?
DEREK:
What did? ..... er,
CLIVE:
What, visual stimuli? Or .....
DEREK:
Yeah, I had the television on .....
CLIVE:
What, what,
DEREK:
..... but I wasn't looking at it.
CLIVE:
Oh, I see, just,
DEREK:
No.
CLIVE:
Just the .....
DEREK:
I had a toilet roll which I'd greased out,
CLIVE:
Yeah.
DEREK:
And I had my knob in it.
CLIVE:
Yeah.
DEREK:
And, er, I plugged it into, er, into the train set. And, er, you know, I put the train set on and every time it went over the junction, you know .....
CLIVE:
Yeah.
DEREK:
Ter-, terrific vibes.
CLIVE:
Yeah.
DEREK:
And, erm, I was just about to cum .....
CLIVE:
Yeah.
DEREK:
And, er, Dolly came down the stairs.
CLIVE:
What, the wife?
DEREK:
Yeah. Opened the door, she said, "Err, what you doin' Derek?" I said, "Er, oh, I feel te-, I've got a migraine .....
CLIVE:
Yeah.
DEREK:
..... and, er, the doctor told me to stick my knob in a toilet roll if I got a migraine."
CLIVE:
Yeah.
DEREK:
And, er, you know, er, she said, "Oh darling, I'm sorry, I'll make you a cup of tea."
CLIVE:
Oh, so she didn't suss that you were .....
DEREK:
No.
CLIVE:
..... actually having a wank.
DEREK:
So, anyway, she went out .....



(edited for length)



Last edited by Nickatilynx at Apr 19 2004, 09:12 PM