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Old 09-30-2004   #1
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LIBERALS ARE TO BLAME FOR HITLER, CANCER, AND WHATEVER ELSE I TELL YOU BECAUSE I’M BILL O’ REILLY
By Bill O’Reilly

It’s time the liberals fess up for their reprehensible behavior, and make an apology to the American public. What’s their crime, you ask? Their fervent bloodlust and the unquenchable desire to eat the flesh of babies, that’s what. And don’t act surprised, because it happens every day. Your babies, liberal bloodlust. Deal with it.

I am also personally holding liberals responsible for Hitler’s rise to power and the entire Nazi regime. The facts are so obvious that I don’t even need to provide them. Because I’m Bill O’Reilly, motherfucker. I used to host Inside Edition. That means I’m not only smarter than you, I’m an expert on anything that I talk about.

What else… umm… The Dust Bowl. You know, that series of torrential winds that destroyed a virtual nationwide crop harvest in the 1920’s. Liberals and their bleeding hearted tax and spend policies made that one happen, and they must be punished. Punished severely by me. ME! Let’s not tolerate this legacy of natural disasters, coprophagia, cancer, tsunamis, baby killing. Liberals, liberals, liberals.

So what can I do to fight back against this growing insurgency of domestic terrorists? By voting for Bush. Do it, or they’ll come after you and your babies next. Think about it, America. Just think about it.
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Old 09-30-2004   #2
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did you write it yourself?
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Old 09-30-2004   #3
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theonion.com or thesneeze.com?
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