My story about me and suicide.

[JR]

i was fighting with my girlfriend once when i was 17. she missunderstood something i said and then as i concluded the conversation by saying things like "i'm done, its over, i'm going to end it right now" meaning that we were breaking up and i was through with the drama..., i hung up on her.

she apparently thought i was threatening to kill myself. (in her defense, i already knew she was not real bright as i had once witnessed her attempt to lick a hot skillet that she had just used to cook with - so i should share the blame)

anyway she does not have the chance to say anthing before i hang up. the male ego being what it is, left me with a deep feeling of satisfaction hearing her last words be "oh god,.. .please don't do it"

so, the phone rings several times and i dont answer it. then it rings and i finally pick it up to tell her to stop calling me... BUT its her dad. i did not even know the guy and suddenly he's all "hey buddy, how are you doin' " and so on. It was really weird. i broke up with this girl... her dad calls me back in a minute or so asking how i am doing and asking me if i want to talk about it and wanting to know how i was feeling and if i was ok. i was at a complete loss for words. i tell his baby girl to get fucked and he becomes my new best friend in less than 90 seconds.

i am shocked and completely baffled.

The next thing i know... i see faces looking into my windows (at 1am). I am really startled but i soothed myself thinking that i have obviously made the jump to a parallel universe or something. it briefly occured to me that had I studied physics more attentively, i might have a chance to get back to my own universe. then... i take a look around and notice a different face in several different windows and one at the door.

after a second or two of thinking "oh fuck it... this can't get any weirder", I realized they were all cops.

apparently, while her father "stalled" me hoping he could save my life by becoming my new best friend... while my now ex-girlfriend called police and told them i was threatening suicide. BUT --- i still had no idea what was going on. think about it... first her dad who i did not even know is telling me telling me weird shit like sometimes men cry and its ok, telling me about high school football stories and about his love life etc - completely out of the blue, leaving me with the conclusion that for some reason he chose this moment and me of all people to come out of the closet and he is about to tell me that he likes the cock... the next thing i know, 5 cops are wanting to come in the house late at night.

so one officer cracked the front door and asked if they could come in and of course, i said yes. he then asked if i had any weapons and i said no.... so i am a little weirded out now and I am waiting for them to tell me that some family member was killed or tell me the neighbor shot his wife or something.

Instead.... they all came in and sat around me with deeply sympathetic looks on their faces, asking me how i am doing, putting their hands on my shoulders telling me life was hard etc etc etc. I realized at this point that obviously someone related to me was killed. but i can't find the words to ask what is going on. i just quietly wait for them to spit it out. i can still hear her the dad voice talking on the phone because he has not realized i sat the phone down... and am patiently waiting 5 cops who are about to tell me at any second that my life is going to be completely turned upside down with tragedy.

i am so baffled and in shock at everything that i can't even talk. i am just waiting for them to drop the bomb. i keep waiting for something to be said that will suddenly make sense of everything. they start lecturing me on the difficulties of life, sometimes life is not fair etc etc etc etc. finally, i am like "what the hell is going on... what happened" and they keep answering with crap like "sure son, i know you are confused.. blah blah" - "lets just talk for a while and you will feel better". i am thinking "ok, this is a weird approach... it sounds like some sort of double or triple reverse psychology game... but they are professionals, so i should give them a chance"

it went on for well over an hour with me thinking they were about to tell me my dad died in a tragic midget fisting accident but did not know how to say it. i mean, i could understand that it would be a little awkward... so i was patiently hoping they would find the words.

after around 1 hour, one of them finally asks me why i thought suicide was the answer. i am thinking "what the fuck! they have not even told me the bad news yet and already i am on suicide watch and being analyzed by some hillbilly state police in backwoods Alaska". it was only then that i asked them what the hell was going on and they told me my girlfriend called the police. we all had a good laugh when we realized what happened because it was such a long, and awkward situation for everyone.

Kinda funny. i pretty much forgot about it until now. thought i would share.

[gonzo]

So did her dad finally tell you hes gay and give you a sympathy BJ?

[PornoDoggy]

Women.

Can't live with 'em, can't ...

[Nickatilynx]

The RCMP wouldhave shot you too prevent you killing yourself.

[Evil Chris]

What's funny... is that you think it's all funny.

[MaDalton]

well, I think it is funny...

[Newton]

Excellent story, did you ever see the ex again?

[Mike AI]

That is funny, like a scene from a movie!!

What is really funny is the thought that RCMP carry guns!!

[MorganGrayson]

I'm with Evil Chris on this one.

I know someone who had actually threatened suicide, and the California police that showed up slapped in handcuffs and shoved him in the back of a squad car. Nobody sat around trying to give this guy compassion or helping him work out his problems.

It's nice to know that somewhere on this earth there actually are people who give a damn whether or not a stranger lives or dies.

JR...it was a good story and well told. You write well.

[Trev]

I thought it was very amusing, excellent story JR

[Evil Chris]

edited...

the hell with it. :P

[JR]

Miss Eve actually knows her. She worked for her father i believe in Anchorage. we were together actually for 4 more years. My excuse is that i was just wild and crazy and did not care. In the end, she cheated on me with a very good friend of mine and they are now married and have children. I honestly believed i deserved that so i was not mad at either of them.

I dont think suicide is funny. i just though it was funny that such a crazy missunderstanding happened and no one figured it out for well over an hour while they were trying to "talk me down" and I had no idea what they were talking about.

I really thought i was in the twighlight zone for a while.

[JR]

Originally posted by Nickatilynx@Jun 27 2005, 03:36 AM
The RCMP wouldhave shot you too prevent you killing yourself.

you know... when i lived in Bellingham and watched Canadian TV and watch Cops in Canada, i am always surprised at how passive Canadian cops are. I guess it says more about Canadian society when cops don't have to assume the drunk kid has an Uzi under his jacket like they do in the US.

[EroticySteve]

What a great story. It sounds like something that would happen to me. I have a similar misunderstanding story about an agency trying to collect child support from me. (I have no kids)

[MorganGrayson]

Originally posted by JR@Jun 27 2005, 12:20 PM
I dont think suicide is funny. i just though it was funny that such a crazy missunderstanding happened and no one figured it out for well over an hour while they were trying to "talk me down" and I had no idea what they were talking about.

I really thought i was in the twighlight zone for a while.

JR...I want to clarify my earlier comment, to make sure it was clear...which I strongly suspect it wasn't. I didn't emphasize my appreciation of the "twilight zone" aspect of it, which was considerable. From the "new best friend" behavior of the girl's father - which was odd enough - to the assumed "breaking it to me slowly" behavior of the police...from your perspective, why else would they be there?

I understand that's why the story was told. Not in any way for anyone to infer that you think suicide is humorous, but that such an elaborate series of misunderstandings certainly are.

I would have loved to read the officer's written report. "Upon arriving at the subject's dwelling we discovered...that he had no fucking idea what we were talking about."

[leedsfan]

Originally posted by Nickatilynx@Jun 27 2005, 03:36 AM
The RCMP wouldhave shot you too prevent you killing yourself.

and then the police complaints division would sue your family for making them look bad on local TV, and every time any of your family was out driving you'd be pulled over and strip searched by bored patrol cops.


or something like that.

[Dravyk]

That is a wild story, JR. I can totally understand the confusion involved at the time. In that sense, funny. Funny weird and just a touch of funny ha-ha at the right moments.

[Anthony]

What?

No cavity check?

Bummer.

I live for that.

[TheEnforcer]

That most certainly would be a bizarre moment to have lived through.

[Dravyk]

Originally posted by Anthony@Jun 28 2005, 12:44 AM
What?

No cavity check?

Bummer.

I live for that.

Mule. :P