One more reason

[Vick]

A.K.A. the trials of being nearly famous in Baltimore

we start with our drunken hero ......which you may or may not give a flying fuck about .... or my best self centered Grogan imitation in an annoying autobiographically interlude

Getting ready to see LA Guns and Dokken at a local club tonight, call to the club to get show times and much to my dismay LA Guns is OPENING for Dokken :angry: which gives us a flaming hour to get ready and get to the club

Quick shower and a stop for a .5 pint of Dewars. Dressing down due to time (keep hearing at the club "where's the velvet and lace" WTF? it's July and 90 degrees) sporting black pinstripe bondage pants, a Sid and Nancy T shirt with a black Dickies shirt with heart, barbed wired and sword on it

LA Guns is good, original singer Phil Lewis and Drummer Steve Riley and 2 other guys, play a lot of early LA Guns songs. Good time had by one and all

I see some club regulars and pseudo friends and do the glad hand chat drink bullshit

Keep thinking to myself all the hot chicks I would hit on are here with someone (serious redhead with big pouty lips and nice figure with biker guy, club is about 10% biker but they are all cool to me) or the girls that hit on me aren't my type.

I know the truth, I'm 42 and a little too old to be in clubs (hear Chris Rock's bit about the old guy in the club) and a rather nasty foul evil looking sort - think a sexy Professor Snape - it works for some women but not many

Dokken comes on - clue you may be quinky if-
your greatest contributions to Rock are "Breaking the chains" and "You just got lucky" -

Don Dokken is bloated and wearing a bad hairpiece. While standing upstairs I think to myself about asking a bouncer if I throw the trash can over the railing and knock Don Dokken's hairpiece off will they just throw me out or have me arrested

Walking around one of the hottest girls in the club stops and starts trying to chat me up- yes finally!
- ok it obvious she's a dancer (kind of pretty face, really nice augmented breasts and a few tattoos)
But I can't hear a fucking thing she's saying
WHY - because fucking Dokkens playing, finally someone hands me a piece of paper, give her my business card, see her later as she's leaving (Dokken is still playing) and she says she has my card (she's intoxicated by this time and has a "handler" helping her out)
Chances of her calling - less than 1%

A guy and his wife stop me to say hello, they've seen me perform and their kids love me. He asks me to do something so I comply. Turns out his wife has a very attractive friend (looks like Courtney Cox+10 pounds). I do the bottle through body to her (freaks people out because I take the bottle to use off the bar) and some other simple things I'm carrying. He starts going on about how much his oldest son (10) loves me and about how she (Tracy, the CC look a like) has a terrible time with men and she's available and so on

So I chat her up a little, ask her the usual stupid questions (what do you do for fun you know big F, big N, U in the middle)
Turns out she is fairly cool but a high $ kind of girl (asking about restaurants - she knows all the best in Baltimore, enjoys hanging out on a yacht, personal trainer and so on)
I drop the digits on her (I'm a lazy fuck and it's rare that I'll ever call and don't want to piss girls off)
Chance of her calling 10%


So you know being single isn't nearly what it's cracked up to be

and this has been my lengthy annoying autobiographical moment in which our hero makes like Casey at the Bat once again.............

and as we ride off into the sunset ..... Lot of typing nothing being said

Think I wrote this more for me than you but thanks for reading if you made it this far

Almost forgot about the chick in the bondage skirt who I asked what she was wearing under her skirt
Turns out it was little boys shorts - she showed me