FIFTEEN THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS

Winetalk.com · 10-24-2003

FIFTEEN THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN
By Dave Barry

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on
the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has
not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would
be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never
want you to share yours with them.

5. You should not confuse your career with your life.

6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

7. Never lick a steak knife.

8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling
reason why we observe daylight savings time.

10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests
that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging
from her at that moment.

11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make
a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, <
o

>
religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside,
we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice
person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

14. Your friends love you anyway.

15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur
built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

FINAL Thought for the day: Men are like a fine wine. They start out as
grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn
into something acceptable to have dinner with.

voodooman · 10-24-2003

#7: I still do

#9: Its for the Golfers in the country

#15: well, I think the Ark is much more signifigant than the Titanic.

and Im only 32 y/o.

KevinG · 10-24-2003

Great stuff. I love Dave Barry.

DaveAFX · 10-24-2003

Lot's of people combine #3 & #5.

They have a mental illness which makes them think that their hobby is a career.

kath · 10-24-2003

2. Definitely... part of why I left the "real life" corporate world.

5. You should not confuse your career with your life. (REPEAT REPEAT REPEAT)

13. If I had known this 6 years ago I could have prevented a LOT of BS in my life - lol

FINAL THOUGHT... really? So my mom was right???

XXXPhoto · 10-24-2003

#13...

Pornwolf · 10-24-2003

Dave is a national treasure!

10-24-2003	#6
XXXPhoto Members Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 1,048	#13... __________________ Intersmart.com - Avatars, Favorite Icons, Custom Smilies, Cartoon Caricatures and more...

10-24-2003	#1
Winetalk.com Prostate Examiner I quoff fine wine at corkd.com Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: good 'ole USA Posts: 21,018	FIFTEEN THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN By Dave Barry 1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings." 3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness." 4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. 5. You should not confuse your career with your life. 6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. 7. Never lick a steak knife. 8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip. 9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time. 10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment. 11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven. 12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, < o> religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers. 13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.) 14. Your friends love you anyway. 15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic. FINAL Thought for the day: Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with. __________________ why dogs sniff each other butts?

10-24-2003	#2
voodooman Members Respin bullshit press Your Comments Are Welcomed Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 2,695	#7: I still do #9: Its for the Golfers in the country #15: well, I think the Ark is much more signifigant than the Titanic. and Im only 32 y/o.

10-24-2003	#3
KevinG Members Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Ft. Lauderdale, FL, USA Posts: 654	Great stuff. I love Dave Barry. __________________ I am available for Consulting, Design, Traffic, Marketing and SEO for adult and mainstream. Contact: kevin@kevingodbee.com ICQ: 271-024-660 Web 3.0 Internet Consulting

10-24-2003	#4
DaveAFX Members Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 103	Lot's of people combine #3 & #5. They have a mental illness which makes them think that their hobby is a career.

10-24-2003	#5
kath Members Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: California, USA Posts: 1,340	2. Definitely... part of why I left the "real life" corporate world. 5. You should not confuse your career with your life. (REPEAT REPEAT REPEAT) 13. If I had known this 6 years ago I could have prevented a LOT of BS in my life - lol FINAL THOUGHT... really? So my mom was right???

10-24-2003	#7
Pornwolf Members Join Date: Jan 2003 Posts: 165	Dave is a national treasure!