No big dick but I do have a big tree.
http://cleoslinks.com/crap/tree-detail/
After calling lots of people and actually having three of them show up I'm going with the 6,500 dollar white dude in a fancy pickup truck to remove it and a few others on my property that were also damage or are leaning. They will be here first thing Saturday morning and expect the job to take two to three days. Insurance says that they will reimburse me but I have a feeling this will be a long drawn out mess.