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Originally posted by Peaches@Jun 28 2003, 11:23 AM
As a single mother for the last 19 years, I can tell you that it's NOT easy raising a kid on your own - especially if you're a mother and the child in question is a son. And I only have ONE! Boys and girls benefit tremendously from having strong role models of both sexes and IMHO, there's a subconscious need to have 2 parents. I was VERY lucky that my father, brother, and several soccer coaches offered this to my son. HOWEVER, I honestly still think he missed out by not having a father around.
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Peaches, if you could go back and do it again, would you change anything? From the way you talk about your son, he sounds like although he may have missed out on a father, he has turned out pretty darn ok. I wish he was a few years older ;-))))
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There are, of course, exceptions to every rule, but the statistics that I've seen in regards to prison inmates, those with drug and alcohol addictions, problem children in school, pornographers (just wanted to see if you were really paying attention, hehehe), etc. point to growing up in a single parent home as a MAJOR problem.
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Being that single parent homes are so prevelant these days, its likely that many prison inmates, drug addicts and pornographers are going to be from single parent homes - but there's still just as many problems that come from the traditional nuclear family. You can't assume that just because someone only had 1 parent that they are going to turn out bad ... what about all the single parent children like your son who WON'T (touch wood! lol) end up in jail or addicted to drugs?
You can draw comparisons like ... today there is more crime, more drug addicts and more bad things in society - but there's also a lot more people. The percentages of bad shit haven't necessarily changed, just the numbers.
I know this is a big call, but i'd go as far as to say that many kids who grow up with 1 parent are more likely to turn out ok. I'm drawing this conclusion purely from the people I know around me & yes its a sweeping generalization in the opposite direction - I can think of many examples - KK, peaches & Lisa's kids who you all know are my surrogate children ;-) Those kids have a stack of surrogate aunts and uncles who care a LOT about what happens to them, and who are always there to help. As a result, these kids have many role models - and they are awesome kids - bright, smart, athletic, well adjusted socially etc.
Peaches, using you as an example, you seem to be so switched on as a parent - more so than MANY nuclear family's are ... you sound like your life has revolved around making sure he had the best possible opportunities and although that may have been harder for you, you can't assume it would have been better if a father was around permanently. What if he was a drunk or ..... lots of what if's.
At the end of the day, I don't think that a single parent family causes crime or bad things in society - I think the worst kids come from families where the parents are always fighting and yelling at each other and who are only staying together for the sake of the children. Or from people who get married and have kids because they think that's what they *have to* do.
Yes we have a lot of problems in society, but to blame them on all the demise of the 'perfect' nuclear family, which is a fantasy that NOBODY can actually live up to, is naive ... Instead of assuming that the family of the 50's was perfect, ask your grandmother about her life ... I think it was GiGi who talked about violence against women in those days and that post covered my views on the subject.
Women have much to contribute to society outside of the family, and I'm happy that I got to live in this time instead of the 50's, because I probably would have stabbed my husband with an ice pick
